#Church usher prayer how to
#Church usher prayer free

They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.īut the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

#Church usher prayer free

So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures.

#Church usher prayer how to

The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.Īt the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. He said, “Not really – I think I'm gonna have a wife.” He layed down on the couch, and after about half an hour, his mother came over and asked him if he was feeling okay. Later, that afternoon, Johnny started feeing sick, and his side began to hurt. “God opened up Adam's side, took a rib from him, and created Eve from it,” was what really struck Johnny. Little Johnny went to Sunday school one Sunday. He was notably very nervous and getting to the microphone he said loudly, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!” His congregation sat shocked.Īfter standing there for almost 10 seconds the pastor finally blurted out, “…and I can't remember who she was!” As he shyly approached the pulpit one Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!” The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, “And that woman was my mother!” The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well.Ībout a week later one of the assistant ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in what was his first sermon to the congregation. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers. Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. He said, when he was younger, he thought that the doxology went: “Praise God from whom all blessings go, Praise him all preachers here we go (instead of creatures here below), then praise him above the heavenly host, praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.” He said he thought that because, when everyone sang that, often the preacher leaves the pulpit and walks out! We had a substitute preacher preaching at our church and he told this story. That may well be the greatest interpretation of the 23rd Psalm ever heard. The little girl came to the front of the room, faced the class, made a perky little bow, and said, “The Lord is my shepherd, that's all I want.” A golden-haired, four-and-a-half-year-old girl was among those who raised their hands.Ī bit skeptical, the teacher asked if she could really quote the entire psalm. In his beautiful book, “I Shall Not Want,” Robert Ketchum tells of a Sunday School teacher who asked her group of children if anyone could quote the entire 23rd Psalm.